Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson in Jamaica with Pete Wentz, courtesy (which basically means I stole them) of the UK Sun. Just looking at these pictures fills me with an emotion that I am unable to describe. It’s kind of like shame and loathing combined with euphoria and served warm over ice cream. I think I will name this new emotion Fred.
Anyway, Fred and I were down at this bar on 3rd Street having a drink. This bear walks in and says to the bartender, "Give me a beer or I will rip your head off because I am a bear". So the bartender tries to calm his shaking hands and pulls a perfect cold draft beer for the bear. The bear downs the beer with one gulp and says to the bartender, "Give me a shot of whiskey or I will rip your head off because I am a bear". The bartender pulls out a bottle of 18-year old Single Malt scotch and pours the bear a shot. The bear downs the shot in one gulp and says to the bartender, "Give me another beer or I will rip your head off because I am a bear". So the bartender pours the bear another beer. The bear downs it with one swig and says to the bartender, "Give me another shot of whiskey, and make it a double, or I will rip your head off because I am a bear". The bartender pours the bear a double shot of whiskey. The bear downs it in one gulp and says to the bartender, "Give me a bottle of champagne or I will rip your head off because I am a bear". So the bartender gives the bear a bottle of champagne. The bear takes it and leaves.
So I say to the bartender "Do you get bears in here often?"
The bartender says "That's my mother-in-law."
Ashlee Simpson buys Pete Wentz’s hat for a kiss
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Ashlee Simpson,
Celebrity Bikini
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